Fill Your Glass

The measure of optimism or pessimism is often thought of in terms of whether your glass is half-full or half-empty.

Those who believe that the glass is half-full see the potential to add more.

Those who see it as half-empty believe that what is there already is as good as it gets.

 

Those who believe that their glass is half-full also see it as gradually becoming fuller; while those who believe that theirs is half-empty see it as gradually losing whatever is in it.

 

And then there’s the size of the glass.

Those who think that their glass is becoming fuller, also believe that their glass is getting bigger.

Those are convinced that their glass is leaking see its potential size dwindling.

 

These attitudes have a profound effect on what you do.

They can determine how big your goals are, and how much effort you’re willing to put in to achieve them.

 

Half-empty

One of the problems that the half-empty cohort has is that they seem to have so little to offer.

They may actually be able to help people quite a bit, but for one reason or another, they’ve been unable to create the pieces or to put them together in such a way as to be effective, personally or professionally.

And the two go hand-in-hand.

A lack of success, or an inability to handle failure in either, can propel you into a downward spiral such that you expect less, and therefore expend less; and that results in less in everything.

It doesn’t take very long before you expect even less than what you did before.

You see what you expect to see; and when you see less, then you fulfill your own prophecy.

 

Half-full

The half-full group thinks in exactly the opposite way.

They believe that they have a lot to offer, and they have been able to do so.

It may have been in only a small way, but because they see their glass becoming fuller, they recognize that it is what they are doing that is making that happen.

 

As they feel better about themselves, they enjoy greater success, both in their personal lives and their work.

The more success they experience, the more they want of it.

They work harder, imagine bigger things, and put in more effort.

They, too, see what they expect to see: positive results from positive effort.

 

The problem that this group often has it that they become so consumed by their success that they neglect their personal lives.

Success becomes a kind of drug that causes them to lose their perspective.

Many of them eventually lose everything that’s important to them.

 

A balance has to be found, and it will be different for everyone.

 

How to fill your glass

So how can you fill your glass?

How can you change your thinking – your beliefs – in what you’re able to do?

How can you escape the tailspin that you’re in?

 

The key is to practice what psychologists call “reframing.”

Reframing simply means that you look at yourself and what you do through different glasses; not rose-colored ones, but ones that aren’t pessimistic.

 

And you know, you don’t have to be optimistic either.

By that I mean you don’t have to disconnect yourself from reality.

This isn’t about apple-pie-in-the-sky.

This is about being objective.

 

When you’re in a tailspin, it’s impossible to look at what you can do objectively.

 

An experiment

Try this experiment.

(You might want to do this at home. You will also want to be careful if you’re prone to car sickness.)

Stand in the middle of the room.

Extend your arms out to your sides for balance.

Then slow start to turn in a circle while you stand in the same place.

Once you get the rhythm down, speed up.

Keep you eyes open.

After spinning for a minute or so, stop.

Now try to walk in a straight line.

You’ll find that you can’t do it.

Why?

Because the liquid in your inner ear is still moving.

It’s telling your brain that you are still going in circles, but your brain is saying that you’ve stopped and that you want to walk in a straight line.

This is a perfect illustration how why it’s impossible to look at your situation objectively when all you can do is see it on some subjective context.

 

The Hack

How do you change your viewpoint?

How do you change your attitude?

How do you learn to reframe your interpretation of your situation?

The clue is in the question?

You have to look for another explanation.

You have to interpret what you see differently.

 

If you did the experiment, then you may have felt that you wanted to sit down, rather than walk anywhere.

Do you know why you felt like that?

It’s because you wanted there to be some stability.

You wanted things to stop or at least slow down enough so that you could think about how to walk in that straight line.

You knew that if you could get one thing under control, then it would be much easier to think about something else.

 

In order to reframe the meaning of your situation, you have to look for another possible explanation.

You are your own attorney.

You’ve been arrested for being a pessimist.

Your defense is that you’re not.

How do you convince yourself that you’re not?

By reframing.

By interpreting the facts differently.

By creating reasonable doubt.

 

What doubts do you have about the veracity of your experience?

What lies have you been telling yourself about your glass?

 

Look at your glass from a different perspective, and you’ll see that it is capable of holding more than you ever imagined.

Recall all the times in the past when you added to it; and then focus on them.

The more you look at what you have done to fill you glass, the more you’ll have to put in it.

Start pouring.